What’s up internet! I missed you. I really did.
The past 5 – 6 months I’ve started the process of writing over 15 different posts, but I never published any of them. Not because I didn’t want to – mostly I didn’t post them because I felt like I wasn’t honest with myself and with you guys.
See I wrote and explored many different topics like fatherhood, loving people, the importance of reflection, etc. Yet after I wrote each one and started editing it – something inside me resisted the idea of publishing it. I know exactly why but I was scared to admit it to myself and to you – the world.
The truth is…. This year has sucked. I’m not talking about all the hurricanes, the political climate, the fact we all seem to hate each other, etc. I mean personally, for my family and me this year has sucked.
If you hang with me, I promise I think you’ll be filled with hope and joy. I’m not writing this to make you depressed. Just hang with me!
The first couple of months were pretty good then all of a sudden it is like the world or life just started dumping on my family and me.
I don’t know if I have enough space to cover everything that has happened to us. My wife and I have had 3 major ‘bad’ moments. Each one of these on their own would be hard to deal with, but we had all 3 happen back to back to back. On top of these major moments, it’s felt like I’ve had another million small – moderate bad things happen all at once.
Life has really been beating my wife and me down. It’s flat out hard.
Welp! Thanks for making me depressed
I know that my problems may not be as big as other people’s problems and I know I have some incredible blessings. That helps a little when I focus on my blessings, but at the end of the day – I still have challenges I’m facing. So what am I supposed to do?
Even though I know I’ve been blessed, and challenges happen to everyone – it doesn’t feel better. It feels like I’ve hit rock bottom – then went even lower. I don’t have all the answers in the world, but there is something I’ve known – that I now appreciate more.
Life is hard.
I think I can handle it and conquer all my challenges but … Truthfully though – I can’t. I can’t handle it, and there are challenges that I can’t conquer.
That’s a hopeless place to be.
Except for me, I know it doesn’t end there.
Romans 5:3-4 “we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
I know that God doesn’t cause my suffering and challenges. Sometimes I cause my own suffering. Sometimes other people do. Sometimes no one does and it’s just not fair.
I don’t fully understand why suffering always happens, but I know this: Without God, I would have no hope and having no hope feels awful.
I have hope because I believe that God can use my suffering and challenges for a bigger purpose, maybe a purpose that helps people. Either way, I know that God is in control of all things and that He holds true to his promises. Promises like…
“ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Let’s Keep It Real
I’m not going to sit here and act like on a day to day basis I’ve walked around as life has sucked and just prayed, sang Christian songs, and acted super holy.
In real life, I’ve cried, yelled at God, cursed a lot, yelled at God again, then cursed some more. Why? Not because I don’t believe everything I just said but because it hurts. Life stings. I’m in pain, people I love are in pain, I can’t sleep at night, and I’m so stressed out.
When I thought I hit rock bottom, I broke down with my wife one day and said “I can’t keep doing this. This is too hard”. She said something that has changed how I’ve faced each day since. She said, “You’re right you can’t keep doing this and we can’t keep trying BUT God can and we are trying to do too much on our own.”
That’s when it hit me. I was trying so hard to manage all the stress, the hardships, and the toils of my life. Each time something new happened I thought to myself “ok let’s figure out how to handle this” instead of saying “God I don’t know what to do about this, please help me – I give this to you.”
Here’s the thing: Life still feels like it sucks. None of my problems have been fixed. A few new challenges have been added – I think I’m up to 1,000,005 problems now. Nothing has changed. Except for my attitude and my outlook.
My response now is to say, “God I can’t handle this on my own. I don’t know what to do, but I know you do so here is another problem. I hope you can do something with it because I’m trusting you!”.
I know that seems like I’m ignoring my problems – I’m not. I know it seems like I’m not worried – not true. It may seem irresponsible – it’s not.
I am worried, I know the problems I’m facing and I’m working hard to be responsible and wise. However, I’m going to trust that God has a plan even if I don’t see it and that as things get hard, I just need to stay the course because God has a plan that one day I’ll be able to look back on and share some amazing stories of how he worked.
I hope that day is soon. Even if it’s not – I’ll hold on to the fact that God loves me and he will stay true to His love.
That my friend will create hope in a situation that feels hopeless. More than anything, I hope you can find that hope too.